Understanding Relationships pt. 2
PRINCIPLES FOR SUSTAINABLE RELATIONSHIPS
Everything that lasts must be built on principles. Failure to do so is a recipe for failure in itself. It is dangerous to build anything on emotions. Most ladies meet the right person that they should get married to but they refuse to because "they are not emotionally connected to him".
This is why most beautiful ladies in their late thirties and above are still single. Some remain in abusive and harmful relationships and when you try to point out the obvious, they reply, "But I love him." Yet the end result of such people is utter frustration and regrets.
While there are various kinds of relationships, the same principles apply across board. Again, It is important for you to build your relationships on principles and not on emotions. Emotions are valuable but they are not always correct and they do not guarantee success.
One reason why you should build quality relationships is because no one thrives in isolation as we established in the previous post.
Man was not designed to be independent but to be interdependent. Even the best of us needs somebody.
People get angry and make statements like, "I don't need anyone in my life." Well, this is not a correct statement. You may not need people that will hurt, demean or make you feel worthless. In fact, you should run away from such people as fast as you can. However, you do need people that will empower, encourage, and uplift you. You need people that will love you for who you are and are willing to help you become all that you were born to be.
Relationships are powerful. Who you know and who loves you are very important factors in life. If you want your relationships to be rewarding, then here are some guiding principles you should abide to.
1. BE VALUABLE
Like attracts like. If you want to build quality relationships and attract quality people you first need to be a quality person.
Relationships are platforms for the communication of value. Therefore, the value you communicate in your relationship will be dependent on how valuable you have become.
No serious person wants to be around a mediocre person.
No successful person wants to be around a parasite.
No loving person wants to be around a hateful person.
Nobody with a positive mindset wants to be around someone with a negative attitude.
No one with a dream wants to be around a dream killer.
No intelligent person wants to be around a stupid person except he wants to impart knowledge.
A foolish person is always irritated by the presence of a wise person.
Someone with an inferior mindset is always intimidated by the company of a confident person.
Birds of a feather flock together. Quality people attract quality people and mediocre people congregate to cheer one another.
The easiest way to choose who you want in life is to attract them and the surest way to do that is to be valuable.
Value is attractive, it has compelling power. No sane person rejects value. And when that value is found in you, even those who rejected you previously will either change their mind about you or regret their decision.
Imagine if you had to beg people to be your friend. How many people will you be able to beg and how many of them will truly be loyal to that relationship? But by becoming valuable (watch out for our post on becoming valuable; coming soon) you can turn the table and choose who you want to be in your life.
True attractiveness begins with being valuable. No visionary man wants to be around beauty without brains. No ideal lady wants to be around six packs without impact.
If you truly want to be attractive then you need to become valuable. Make-up and other external paraphernalia may bring quality people to you but you only retain them by being valuable. The container can create an impression but it is the content that commands continued attention.
Stop looking for the right person and start becoming the right person. Stop looking for quality people and start becoming a quality person. Stop looking for valuable people and start becoming a person of value.
Building a thriving relationship begins with you. We established in the previous post that every relationship is made up of people. We also established that every relationship is a reflection of the mindset of the people in that relationship.
Therefore, to give your relationship the chance to thrive you need to become a person of value.
2. CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY
Choose your friends. You become who you surround yourself with. Don't let your friends choose you. Make it your personal responsibility to select the people that you call friends because friendship is a commitment.
To choose your friends on the basis of cultural affiliations, religious orientation, societal connection or emotional attachment alone is not sufficient. Purpose and value must be factored into your decision making process.
It is dangerous to surround yourself with people tht have no desire to be valuable or to live an exceptional life because you are the sum-total of the values of your friends.
I saw a quote online that inspired me:
If you hang around five confident people you will be the sixth.
If you hang around five intelligent people you will be the sixth.
If you hang around five millionaires you will be the sixth.
If you hang around five idiots you will be the sixth.
In other words, no relationship leaves you the same. You lose yourself in a relationship and take on something stronger or weaker. Therefore, before you get into any relationship first count the cost. Don't just let your emotions drag you like a horse pulling a cart.
One thing that amazes me is the loyalty some people have for relationships that have no future. They love the comfort derived from having the same mediocre mindsets and even when they come in contact with a superior environment or information they still revert to those un-empowering relationships.
There is no excuse for maintaining a relationship that has proven time without number to be headed no where.
Why remain in a relationship that adds no value to your life? Why surround yourself with people that have no desire to make progress. Loving people and relating with people are two different things. Love is a command but association is not.
I remember a story that was told by Pastor Tunde Bakare. When he was a child he used to live with his grandmother and she was so strict that she wouldn't allow him play and run around with his friends. Whenever he asked her why she acted this way, she would say, "These are not your friends, your true friends are coming."
Later he travelled to the city, and many years later on returning to the village to visit his grandmother lo and behold, he saw those same people he used to call friends, now "Grown up", under a tree playing draft. What would have happened if his grandmother had not been so strict with him? Perhaps he would have been one of the people playing draft under that tree too.
The message is this, blind loyalty to a relationship is dangerous and it can cost you your destiny.
Some get into the university and decide to surround their self with un-serious elements in the name of classmates. When it is time to graduate, you can tell that the same person that came to school is not the same person that is graduating.
Not because of the knowledge gained from study but the perversion that comes with bad company. Evil associations corrupts good manner.
Many have also gone from bad to good because they decided to break the status quo and associate with quality people. Love, as earlier stated, is a command but association is not. It is okay to have many acquaintances and have few friends.
The word "friend" has been so abused today that most people do not know the meaning anymore.
To chose a friend is to choose a future.
To choose a friend is to choose a destiny.
To choose a friend is to choose the influence that surrounds your life.
To chose a friend is to choose the possibilities that will characterize your existence.
To choose a friend is to choose an identity.
It is better to walk alone and fulfill your destiny than to be in associatee with an individual or a group that has no purpose, no direction and ultimately no inspiring destination.
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